My thoughts, my dreams, my goals, are scattered like a 1,000 puzzle pieces on a table. I say I know what I want, but I honestly don't. I give others advice, but the advice I give out, I don't take that in as "needed information" for myself. I'm real nice, but don't be fooled by my generosity, because I'm a very manipulative individual. Others don't see that characteristic trait in me, but I see it very clearly. I give people excuses upon excuses on why I can't go out for the evening, because I LIKE the solitude. I chose to lie, because a lie feels more reasonable than the truth. Maybe that's the reason why people are pushing me away as opposed to getting close. I don't know how to trust, I don't know how to be a good friend, I don't know how to be a good daughter, a sister, listener, advocate. I want something in life that's ME. Something that can make me a better person. Something I'm not afraid to stand up for. I'm grateful for things I have, but when's it going to be my chance to be nobody else but me? No influences, just me, myself, and I. This IS my final goodnight. I'm tired, I need rest, and I need a shower.
Until tomorrow.